So far every Republican who has announced his or her candidacy for President has blasted President Obama by spewing out a litany of alleged faults. I suppose they do this to demonstrate to the GOP faithful that, as a candidate, they will go after President Obama with fervor. Well, despite all the patently untrue things that the likes of Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum are claiming President Obama has done in the past, is presently doing or will do in the future, they don’t know the half of it. So, before candidates yet to be announced invent more crap about President Obama, let’s set the record straight with the true dirt on the man.
President Obama is a vampire. He sucks blood from his victims and leaves them among the undead. President Obama provided, in the Affordable Health Care Act, that no government paid medical care will be available to a victim of a vampire, thus ensuring that the victim remain among the undead. It’s a plan to get votes, because an undead person does not have to pay taxes, but can still vote if they are registered in Chicago.
President Obama cheats at sports like basketball and golf. When keeping his score, he conveniently forgets a third putt, does not count a mulligan for a shot that landed deep in the rough or out of bounds and ignores duffs. By shaving points, President Obama alleges to shoot in the low 80s, a respectable showing for someone who plays infrequently. Except President Obama is actually a frequent golfer, using his position as President for free golf at military golf courses, the Army/Navy Country Club and other private links around the USA. In basketball, his height is an unfair advantage that he exploits by also being able to jump
President Obama is a wife beater. Michelle Obama is the frequent target of outrageous physical attacks that leave her body bruised and swollen. Fortunately, she is nearly the same size as President Obama and is able to return his onslaughts, blow for blow. Because Michelle has amazing powers of regeneration and healing, the bruises and swelling that his beatings inflict are invisible after an overnight rest. This regenerative power as a vampire victim also qualifies Michelle as one of the X-squad.
President Obama is an alcoholic. He has a pint flask of quadruple distilled vodka hidden in his inside suit coat pocket. From the container a clear plastic tube leads to his lips, so he can take a swig any time he pleases. The tube is disguised as a microphone lead wire that he could plug into a podium amplifier. That’s why he makes so many speeches. The amount of alcohol consumed during a speech depends on how many teleprompters are in front of the podium to hide his sucking motions.
President Obama’s feet stink. The foul odor is produced by copious feet sweating. He refuses to put odor eaters in his shoes, because he believes they interfere with his ability to side-step questions with the agility that a frequent liar requires. Rather than abate the odor, he chooses to perpetuate the myth that he walks on water, a myth spawned by the constant wetness of his shoes and the squishing sound he makes. The first thing Obama does when he goes to the family quarters is wash his feet like in a Muslim ritual.
President Obama misuses Air Force One for his personal pleasure. He is notorious for donning his Air Force One jacket to flaunt his position as President of the United States. He could just as easily tell the pilot to turn up the heat so he would be comfortable in his shirt sleeves. He has even purchased monogrammed bath robes, pajamas, sweaters, socks, slippers, underwear, slacks, sleeping caps, and hoodies for himself, his family and his staff, at a cost of $500 million.
President Obama talks too much. Instead of just listening to the persons whom he contacts during his work day and nodding to confirm his understanding of their communications, he actually replies aloud to them. He feigns courtesy and interest by sharing his ideas on the subjects being discussed. Because of his high intelligence and broad vocabulary, he contributes to conversations extensively. He patiently receives their feedback just as he gives others feedback on their ideas.
If you hear or read of these faults of Obama, remember you saw it here first. I'm going to keep my ear to the ground to learn of other faults of Obama that are as baseless as these. Stay tuned.
